Humour and Fun
Beer Related Quotes
"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer"
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer."
"Buy a man a beer and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew and he wastes
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has
taken out of me."
"People who drink "light beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot."
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're"
--William Butler Yeats
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep
your mouth shut."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it."
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself
"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol."
"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
--W. C. Fields
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
"Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"Mr. Churchill you're drunk!"
--Lady Astor, aghast at a party.
"And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. As for my condition, it
will pass by the morning. You, however, will still be ugly."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of
and have the time of your life."
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven."
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes
beer shoot out your nose."
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer."
"Beer, helping ugly people have sex since 1872."
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
--George Jean Nathan
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me so let's just do
this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good
and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)"
If you have a good beer related
joke, quote or game please e-mail it to
firstname.lastname@example.org and if
it is suitable we will put it up